Paris Climate Change conference 2015

The Paris UN Climate Change Summit 2015

Attendees:

Christine Lagarde

Freebooters

Freeloaders

Pleasure seekers

Egocentric none entities

Holier than thou hypocrites

Two faced liars

Reporters on a freebee

Any magazine, business, paper which wants ‘green’ credibility

And of course; all the usual politicians with their entourage and meaningless repertoire!

Never in the timeline of human history have so many depended on so few and never have the stakes been so high and the expectations so low.

The Summit went thus: Ladies and gentlemen we are sat here to debate the rising temperature, Says the chairman. We open a window? Member number suggests. Now just a minute, says member number two, what do I personally stand to lose if the said window is opened and what will this expenditure of effort cost in the long term? Indeed says member number three and how can we be certain of the physics or math? Yes quite says member number four, are we absolutely sure that the window is the cause of our dilemma or is there another cause? What if it is proved that the sun is ultimately the cause? Member number two said. I think an inquiry should be held and the results carefully scrutinised! Member number three said. Yes and then a ballot held to see who is in agreement! Member number one said. Ah! But if it is decided that the window is the cause and the solution to our predicament then which window should be opened? Member number three said. Indeed and how far? Member number one said. And who shall be responsible for this complicated task? Member number five gasps. Yes indeed, are they qualified? Member number two rasps! Finally, after much debate they all duly voted, debated their respective interests and voted again, and were about to vote again but, all sadly expired from heat stroke!

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Programme of events:

Book into expensive hotels

Nice meals and drinks

Laughs and parties

Sightseeing and theatre.

 

Boring bit:

Play acting

Deliberating

Procrastinating

Drawing up utter meaningless proposals and protocols from original draft (with get out clauses) for everyone to sign.

 

Finale: Press conference where every attendee smiles, shakes hands and parades in front of cameras in all their finery (especially Christine Lagarde with her pretty sash) to announce yet another step forward in the climate change debate.

 

Result: Greenhouse gas emissions keep climbing forever upwards.

Never in the timeline of human history have so many depended on so few, never have the stakes been so high and the expectations so low.  

 

 

The summit will go on in strange paradox, deciding only to be undecided, resolved only to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.

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Agenda:

 Introduce a standard draft written from a school book study on climate change in what to do (on paper) either to please the teacher or pass an exam, one you will probably have read on any government paper on the subject of climate change, it has been adopted and used as a template thousands of times. It might as well replace the page number for all the good it does (personally, I find the page number more intelligent as at least there is a logic to it! 

 

The Draft:

“There are two main policy responses to climate change: mitigation and adaptation. Mitigation addresses the root causes, by reducing greenhouse gas emissions, while adaptation seeks to lower the risks posed by the consequences of climatic changes. Both approaches will be necessary, because even if emissions are dramatically decreased in the next decade, adaptation will still be needed to deal with the global changes that have already been set in motion”

 

 Well, that sounds as though we are in safe hands and all is being sorted by our government of the day. But hang on a minute! Do I get a sense of déjà vu, a feeling of political spin, subconsciously being planted in my mind by repetitive meaningless phrases, jargon and claptrap?

This is typically something it could be the stuff of comic book fantasy apart from the rest of the stories in the comic being more accurate.  What gibberish and utter banal nonsense!

In the first place we are never going to reduce any C02 emissions, in the second place ‘adaption’ (a green-wash word) is based on a ludicrous concept that a few pesky heat waves and a couple of nuisance heavy showers will eventually give way to May flowers if we play our cards right!